


I Believed In You (Was It Too Much To Ask For You To Believe In Me Too?)

by Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, Magnus is kind of a dick actually, mentions of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-13
Updated: 2014-02-13
Packaged: 2018-01-12 06:05:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1182774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams/pseuds/Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But if someone steals your heart they can crush it instead of cherish it, can rip it to pieces and throw it in your face instead of keep it safe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Believed In You (Was It Too Much To Ask For You To Believe In Me Too?)

_You can only call it stupidity in the end_ though it’s no surprise really, you’ve always been an idiot, especially when it comes to love. Some kind words, a bright smile and a flash of beautiful eyes mixed in with gentle touches and you’d done the worst possible thing you could have ever done. You believed. You hoped. **You fell in love.**

You see, you’ve never really thought happy endings would exist for you, have seen the people around you shatter because of what some claim to be the most healing emotion, and yet you still let it happen. Let him coax you into believing.

**How fucking stupid.**

You’ve done a lot of things that you’re not proud of, a lot of things that were beyond idiotic, and yet, you don’t know whether you should classify giving your heart away as one of them. Everyone always believes that when they’re in love, that’ll be it, that you’ll finally be able to stop looking and just… be happy. _But if someone steals your heart they can crush it instead of cherish it, can rip it to pieces and throw it in your face instead of keep it safe._

You made promises, the two of you. Promises not to leave, promises to love-

**Promises were made to be broken.**

‘You meant everything to me.’

You don’t really understand why this hurts so much, why you’re frozen and lost in a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings that crash like thunder and tear through your mind like lightning.

You’ve always known Magnus would break your heart.

Actually, no, you know what it is. It’s the absence of hope, the thought that no matter how bad it is, it could get better, that the two of you could make it work.

It’s gone.

Because you don’t give up on people no matter how much they hurt you and yet others always give up on you.

_(That’s what you get for blind devotion.)_

‘I still care about you. I do.’

There are many things you could do. There are the belts, hanging in your closet just waiting to be wrapped around your neck and pulled tight until your skin aches and your head clears for a few moments. There are the blades, hiding inside innocent looking pill bottles that are dangerous in their own right. **But no, you don’t want to have to look down at your skin for the rest of your life and face your mistakes.** At least, not this one. So you simply curl up in bed, clinging to a pillow as you shake and sob what pathetic tears you can muster among the complete _wreckage_ of your mind.

_(You’ve never really had a broken heart before.)_

‘I’m just tired-’

You’re tired too. Exhausted really. You wonder if it was fun, if he took pleasure in leading you on for _two_. _fucking_. **weeks**. And playing with your heart strings before finally cutting you loose. Looking back on it you were so pathetic, never once letting go because you made a promise not to leave and you didn’t want to break your word no matter how much you were hurting. You should’ve just ended it.

( _But you know you wouldn’t have, even if you’d have known that this is what would happen, because you don’t give up on people, they give up on you.)_

‘I’m not what you deserve.’

You want someone to hold you, to just make the ache in your chest go away and to let you cry into their shoulder until you can shake the pieces of yourself back into some semblance of what you’d been.

 **You’re not supposed to give so much of yourself away** , you’re not supposed to wake up one day only to feel as if you’ve scraped out every last ounce of feeling and heart left in you in an effort to win a battle only to walk away defeated and broken.

You don’t understand why it’s always you that has to fight, that has to put yourself out on the line in an effort to keep people in your life who aren’t willing to fight for you in return. It’s sad, pathetic even, that if you walked out of most of your loved one’s lives, they wouldn’t chase after you or fight tooth and nail to keep you at their side.

_(It leaves you wondering if you’re really that replaceable, if you really meant so little.)_

‘I never made you happy-’

You’ve got a lot to get rid of now. You’re supposed to start over, right? Supposed to move on and throw away the pictures and the gifts and anything else associated with the one who left. But it’s not that easy. **You can get rid of the material things, but you’ll always have your memories.** You’ll always have the ghosts that remind you of how utterly happy and safe and wonderful you felt with him. And -of course- how miserable you are now without him.

You’ve never given yourself so wholly to someone before, never spilled all your secrets and believed someone when they said they wouldn’t tell.

You’ve never believed that someone could want you either, could love you, until Magnus either.

‘I’m sorry.’

Yeah. You smile bitterly. So are you.

‘I never thought you’d stay anyways.’

**(What a lie.)**


End file.
